Who Am I Now?

I.
Between night job and day job I rushed home to take a shower, change clothes, and hug my kids and then rushed out again. While driving to work through a wooded area punctuated by industrial parks, I saw a rusted rattle-trap pull to the side of the road in the opposite lane. A guy jumped out of the car, threw something in the woods, and jumped back in his car - nervous and lightning quick - he watched me pass. A second later a State Police cruiser with its lights on rounded the bend at a high rate of speed and stopped behind the heap. He didn't see what I saw, and that was fine with me - not my business. But it wasn't fine, was it?

II.
I do crisis intervention work, and when I do too much of it, I can't shut it off. I end up sort of unconsciously revved up, hypervigilant, everything feels like my responsibility. So in the next half mile of driving, I remembered that the trooper was alone, it was a wooded area with little traffic, the dude was very sketchy, and I saw it all roll out. This dude was cracked out for sure, busted and he knew it, desperate, and probably dangerously stupid - POW - the trooper catches a round up under his vest and dies in the dirt while I go on my way pretending I didn't see it coming. So I pull a u-turn and go back as another film plays in my head called "Snitches Get Stitches" and it begins and ends with me going to pick my kids up at school - the school yard is empty with the swings swinging back and forth, and I'm falling to my knees - eyes and mouth wide with horror and instant understanding. I drive by them trying to be incognito while I think about how to proceed.

III.
Going into the second lap I call the State Police emergency number and tell them what I saw and see. The operator asks for the number on the side of the cruiser, and I gather that intelligence. Meanwhile I'm driving slow circles around them like a dented Toyota gunship providing close air support. I have aviator style prescription sun glasses on and it occurs to me, vaguely, that I must look insane. In the meantime, I am providing a life saving service. I am an integral part of this operation.

IV.
The trooper has let the sketchy fellow go at this point and has himself left the scene. The operator asks for my phone number - I'm committed now - a witness. Another cruiser pulls up, trooper looks at me, I point, he takes off in pursuit. Nothing happens for the rest of the day. Except I wonder if there is something wrong with me or something right with me, and I have no answer. But if homeboy had thrown a suitcase in the woods, I wouldn't have said shit to anyone, and I'd be on a plane to Brazil - right now - with it and nothing else but a toothbrush and a set of pajamas.